The Boiling Kettle Complications
by xLostInTheSun
Summary: "Sheldon," Amy had said, growing increasingly frustrated. "I cannot keep the baby inside me. That is simply not biologically possible." "Well, you're a biologist. You have five months to work on it and find a way to keep the baby inside you. Chop chop!"


**A/N: **This was inspired by a conversation koops and I had after _The Septum Deviation _was aired. It turned out to be not quite we had in mind as we started discussing this plot (read: it turned out way fluffier than intended, while what we had discussed was just _laugh out loud hilarious_) but I'm not the one to blame. Sheldon and Amy are being sickeningly sweet on the show and turning me into a giant marshmallow, therefore any cavity you may find out after reading this is entirely their fault. I mean, "I hope you treasure this as much as I treasure you"? Really, Sheldon? You wanting us all to melt?

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><p>As she looked at the puddle at her feet, Amy could only form one thought: <em>this is a catastrophe<em>.

"No," she whispered, glancing back and forth between the mess she'd created on the floor and the bathroom door. "No. Not now. No, no, no, nooo."

Trying her best to ignore the pain she was feeling in her lower abdomen, she made her voice as steady as possible as she called out "Sheldon, I need to pop down to the shop! I'll be back shortly." After jumping off the stool she'd been sitting on, she carried her feeble body to the entrance door as quickly as possible, and she had just put her hand on the door knob when she suddenly heard the bathroom door lock click open. _No. No. Nooo._

"My apologies, Amy, I didn't quite catch that."

_Drat. _Trying to steady her breath and the muscular spasms overcoming her stomach, she said"I... hmm... I just need to, hmmm... pop down to the shop."

"Are you sure you should go, in your condition?" Sheldon asked.

It was only the pain that stopped Amy from rolling her eyes. "Sheldon, I've... I've told you... already. I'm pregnant, not dying." Although, right at this instant, it certainly felt that way.

"Alright, my apologies," Sheldon said, and just like that, Amy thought she was off the hook.

"Well then... see you... see you later," she said then, knowing full well that he wouldn't be seeing her for several hours, and that when he would see her next, he'd be either very mad at her or just very overwhelmed (or probably both, come to think of it.)

Unfortunately, just as she was opening the door, Sheldon spoke up again. "Dear Lord, what happened on this floor?"

Closing her eyes and breathing in deeply, Amy turned to him. He was looking at her, a hand pointing to the water on the floor next to the kitchen island, an eyebrow raised, waiting for an explanation.

"I..." Amy fleetingly thought about telling the truth, but if the last five months had been of any indication, she knew it wouldn't be well received. Anyone else than Sheldon would have accepted this outcome as inevitable by now, but, well... this was Sheldon. Knowing that her best bet was getting to Leonard and Penny's as quickly as possible and trust them to drive her to the hospital, she took a deep breath and said "I dropped the kettle on the floor."

Sheldon was looking at her sternly, now, visibly fighting the urge to say "And you haven't cleaned up?" but the words that came out of his mouth instead were "Are you okay?"

It was no longer surprising to hear him ask that, as he'd been asking that up to forty times a day for almost five months (and the only reason that number wasn't even higher than that was that after three weeks of her husband waking her up at night to enquire about her physical state, Amy had snapped that she would go live with her mother for the remainder of the pregnancy if he kept disturbing her sleep). And usually, Amy was grateful to have such a caring partner, but right now, all she wanted to do with Sheldon's over protectiveness was throwing it out of a window.

"I'm fine," she said, a hand involuntarily placing itself over the swell in her belly.

"Then, what's with grimacing?"

He would never give up, would he? Amy was running out of time, out of excuses, and she knew that any minute now, he would figure out what was going on, and then, she would truly be in trouble. "I... burnt myself," she lied, and she realized a bit late that maybe she shouldn't have.

"Dear Lord!" In just three steps, he was besides her, a hand on the small of her back, and Amy found herself praying to a deity she didn't believe in that he would not realize just how wet her dark skirt was. He tried to sit her on the couch, but Amy refused to move.

"Amy, what on earth is happening to you!"

It was getting harder to breathe, now, and Amy just really wanted to let out a loud wail and spill the truth. But she knew Sheldon wouldn't hear it, so, taking strength in a talent for acting she didn't even know she had, she said "I just... burnt myself and was popping down to... to the pharmacy to... get something to... to relieve the burn, that's all."

"Maybe I should do that for you," Sheldon offered. "You're clearly in no state to drive."

Amy was about to protest, because she really needed to get to Leonard and Penny's, now, until she realised that Sheldon being out of the flat would make things even easier for her. All she'd have to do then was calling them, and Sheldon drove so slowly that a trip to the pharmacy was bound to take him enough time for her friends to get to her.

"Yes," she said, forcing her breathing steady. "Yes, maybe you should."

She let him lead her to the couch, and once she was sitting in her spot, he quickly squeezed her knee in this way she'd learnt to know meant he was looking after her. She felt her heart melting, then, and not for the first time since Sheldon had started saying she was not allowed to have the baby, she found herself saddened at the knowledge that he would not be with her in the delivery room.

But really, what choice did she have? After a month of socially accepted male pride at the idea of being a father, Sheldon had made the mistake of looking up "childbirth" one night, had turned away from his computer and towards Amy, and declared with all the serious in the world that she was not allowed to have the baby.

"Excuse me?" Amy had said, looking up from her own _Neuron_, and Sheldon had gone on explaining his concerns.

"It's simply too dangerous, Amy," he had said. "The risks of you dying during delivery is just too high, and we cannot risk it."

Amy had felt her breath shorten. "You want me to get an abortion?!" she had shrieked.

But before she had had time to point out it was too late for an abortion anyway, Sheldon had protested. "Of course not!" he exclaimed. "Why on Earth would I want to terminate my own superior progeny! I just said you're not giving birth."

Amy had looked at him for a long time before sighing."Sheldon, you can't be serious."

"Of course I am," he had frowned. "Who do you think I am?" And then, before she had had time to add anything else, he had gone on. "The data speaks for itself, dear. Sixteen per 100,000 women die of childbirth complications in developed countries. It is too dangerous, and I won't have you being killed by something as ridiculously mundane as having a baby."

He'd turned back to his computer, considering the matter closed, and Amy had looked at him without blinking for several minutes, before finally speaking up. "Sheldon, while your concern for me is touching, you do realize that all pregnancies inevitably end in delivering the baby?"

"That is not entirely true," Sheldon had said. "Miscarriage, for example..."

"Sheldon!" Amy had shrieked, interrupting him. "You do _not_ want to tell your pregnant wife about miscarriage!"

"You're right. I apologize," Sheldon had said, and had Amy thought it meant he was dropping the topic, she would have been wrong. She knew her husband by heart, though, so his next words came as no surprise to her. "But you're still not having the baby."

"Sheldon," Amy had said, growing increasingly frustrated. "I _cannot_ keep the baby inside me. That is simply _not_ biologically possible."

"Well, you're a biologist. You have five months to work on it and find a way to keep the baby inside you. Chop chop!"

At that, Amy had simply shut her _Neuron_ magazine and gone to bed without a word. She'd hoped night-time and sleep would do Sheldon some good, that he would wake up without these silly ideas. However, as she had found out the following morning, Sheldon had only gone to bed a long time after she had, and kept looking up statistics that had only gone increasingly alarming, and plunged him even further into denial.

"Home birth is definitely the most dangerous," he had said without even greeting her as she had sat down at the kitchen island for her breakfast. "Also, we're not cavemen. So that one is out of the question anyway."

"Sheldon, I wasn't planning on having our baby here," Amy had answered, biting into a toast. Truth be told, delivery seemed scary enough without Sheldon's data, and she very much intended to give birth in a very clean, very sterile hospital.

"Hospitals are no better," Sheldon had countered as if he could read her mind, which, in a way, Amy supposed he could. "Vaginal birth is properly terrifying. The blood loss makes you wonder how the human race hasn't gone extinct yet."

Amy had frowned and put her toast back on the table, suddenly not very hungry anymore. "I can always ask for a C-section," she had said, but Sheldon had had data and information on that as well.

"And risk the life of our intellectually superior benign overlord?! I should think not!"

And it had gone on for months. Sheldon would declare that Amy would carry the baby forever, to which she would answer that it was simply denial. She had seen this before, years prior, when Leonard had had to get surgery and Sheldon had literally gotten himself injured trying to make sure his friend would make it through the day. He was terrified of losing her, which was incredibly endearing, but he was too clever to think that it was actually _possible _for her to keep the baby in forever.

"Yes, exactly," Sheldon had said more than once. "I _am _intelligent. I know I can find a way to instruct our progeny on science from the womb. If technology can put robots on comets light years away from our planet, it can certainly help me communicate with my son without having my wife give birth to him."

More than once, Amy had thrown her arms up in the air, exasperated. "If you are that scared about me having this baby, maybe you shouldn't have put it in there at all!" Sheldon would then get flustered, blaming his "superhuman sperm," Amy would roll her eyes before reminding herself that her husband was really just scared for her and that she couldn't hold it against him.

Sometimes, Sheldon would say "If you try to deliver this baby, I'm gonna have to tie you to our bed", to which Amy would answer "That's possibly the best way to make sure I'm gonna keep on having babies, actually." She would look at him blush from the roots of his hair to the tip of his toes and smirk, and it usually would end in bed. So much for saving her from the lethal effects of childbirth.

In the later months of her pregnancy, Sheldon had started forbidding her from eating food that was popularly believed to accelerate birth. That was then that Amy had realized that, once the time to have the baby would come, she would have to get herself to the hospital on her own. If her husband was so scared that he started buying into childbirth food malarkey, he would definitely do everything possible to keep the baby from being delivered. She had devised a plan, then. On her due date – which she had decided to keep secret from Sheldon – she would drive herself to the hospital in the early morning and wait in her car until her water broke. She would have the baby, and once their child (Amy's heart always beat a bit faster when she thought about the baby as _their child_) was born, she would call Sheldon and let him know that everything was fine.

It had been a foolproof plan, and yet there she was, her water just broken, the active part of labour already kicking in, and Sheldon still next to her, just because their child had decided to come out two weeks early and because she had decided to ignore the early contractions that morning to keep reading her latest issue of _Neuron_ – "Early labour can last up to twelve hours before the water breaks. I can handle it for now and go to the hospital later," she had thought. What was it about the Cooper men that made them always have to be where they were the least expected? And what was it about the Fowler women and their messed up sense of priorities?

Sheldon smiled at her, and a few seconds later, he was out of the door. Amy lost no time in taking her phone out of her pocket and dialling her Bestie's number. Penny's voice answered after four rings, her voice happily chirping "Hey Ames, what's up?"

"Can't talk," Amy said. "In labor."

"_What?!_" her best friend exclaimed, and Amy sighed.

"It means I'm having the baby, Penny."

"I know what it means, Amy! I'm just... wow!"

"I need you to drive me to the hospital," Amy said, and she could practically see Penny nod enthusiastically.

"Of course," she said. "I assume Sheldon is out, then? I'll tell Leonard to call him so he can join —"

"NO!" Amy shrieked. "No, Sheldon... Sheldon can't know."

There was a silence, then, and Amy suddenly thought Penny was already calling Sheldon. "Oh, god, no," she whispered, hanging up, and hoping to reach Bernadette or Raj before Sheldon was back. Just as she was about to dial Bernadette's phone number, however, the entrance door was opened with a loud bang, and in stumbled Penny and Leonard.

"Sweetie!" Penny exclaimed, kneeling down besides her. "Sweetie, are you alright?"

Amy shook her head. "Of course not."

"Amy, why do you not want Sheldon to know?" she asked, and Leonard frowned.

"If you intend to leave him and run away with the baby, I'm not going to let you," he said, and while Amy would have found his concern for Sheldon touching in other circumstances, all she wanted to do right now was pull Leonard's hood over his stupid face.

"Of course not," she said. "He just... won't let me have the baby."

Penny's face broke into a smile, then. "Oh, sweetie, he was probably just joking."

But before Amy could ask Penny if she'd ever heard him say "Bazinga" after saying she was not allowed to give birth, Sheldon walked through the open door. "Sorry, Amy, I forgot my keys..." He stopped, then, his eyes falling upon Leonard and Penny.

"What is happening?" he asked, and Amy found that she suddenly couldn't breathe anymore.

"Nothing," she croaked. "Leonard and Penny... are just... just keeping me company. You... can... go to the pharma... pharmacy, now."

"Sweetie..." Penny had warned. "You need to tell him."

Sheldon looked briefly between the two women, and Amy saw it in his eyes before she even spoke – he had suddenly put the pieces back together. Still, she bit down on her lip as she looked away and whispered "I'm having the baby, Sheldon."

Amy half expected screaming, kicking, yelling "I thought you were working on finding a way to keep him there." She definitely wouldn't have been surprised had Sheldon accused her of breaking his trust, and saying he wanted a divorce right here and then. Hours later, as she held her newborn son, she would realize that these thoughts had only been caused by stress and fear, because she knew Sheldon would always love her, but there, sitting on the couch, Penny at her side, Leonard standing there like he didn't know what to do with himself, and her husband's gaze piercing through her, Amy's brain seemed to have absolutely let her down.

So it came as a surprise when Sheldon's only answer was "Why on Earth are you all still standing there?" In three long strides, he made his way to the couch, pushing Penny aside, and next thing she knew, Amy could feel his arm around her, and he was walking her to the door. "You're going to have to drive," he called out after Leonard and Penny as they stepped out into the corridor, "because I am going to be absolutely incapable of doing it."

Amy barely registered the sound of the door shutting behind their friends or that of Leonard and Penny's feet pressing behind them. For a fleeting moment, she even forgot about the pain in her lower abdomen or the panic she had been feeling mere seconds before, for Sheldon was here with her, strong and soothing and real. He had an arm wrapped around her, his hand on her hip where it belonged, his fingers rubbing gentle circles into the fabric of her skirt, and his steps were steady and determined as he walked her down the four flights of stairs. No matter what he had said as she had been expecting the baby, now that it was time to welcome him, Sheldon was here, and that thought alone was acting as the strongest of painkillers. By the time they had reached Leonard's car, parked closer to the building than Amy's or Sheldon's, Amy made a mental note that she would have to apologize to her husband as soon as she could trust her voice to speak without breaking.

That resolution, though, turned out to be impossible to keep as soon as Leonard switched the car on. Sitting and now depending on another person to take his wife to the safety of an hospital, Sheldon suddenly morphed back into his neurotic self. Amy realized that his initial behaviour had probably been caused by adrenaline, but now that there wasn't anything left to do but wait, the strength and courage he had suddenly found within himself back in their apartment had flown out the window.

"This is a disaster," Sheldon whispered, and then, louder, he said "The baby wasn't due for another two weeks!"

Amy fleetingly wondered how he knew – she had deliberately kept that information to herself – but she realized that, as the child's father, Sheldon probably had only had to call the doctor to know.

"How are we gonna do? How can we even be sure that the baby is fully formed? What if those two weeks are the difference between a Sheldon and a Penny?"

"Hey!" Leonard exclaimed, offended on his wife's behalf. "Plenty of intelligent people were born before their due date. I was born almost three weeks early."

This, however, didn't reassure Sheldon. "This is of very little comfort! If I had wanted my son to only be an experimental physicist, I would have gotten a gorilla and trained it instead!"

Ignoring the jab at his own intelligence, Leonard went on. "Sheldon, you're being unreasonable. Your child's got your genetic material, not to mention Amy's. I'm sure he'll turn out to be perfectly smart." A beat, and then "As well as robotic and weird, and probably asexual until the age of 65."

Sheldon, however, wasn't in the mood for light hearted teasing. "Leonard!" he chastised. "Now is not the time to make hurtful jokes!" He was frantic, now, wringing his hands together, and during the twenty minutes and thirty six seconds that lasted the car ride – the longest twenty minutes and thirty six seconds of Amy's life – she could hear him mutter facts he'd read on early labour between his bickering with Leonard. As the car had gotten closer and closer to their destination, Amy's own panic had grown and grown and grown until she was certain it would crush everyone in the car. Panic hadn't been her only feeling though – she had also gotten increasingly angry at her husband and his best friend. Focused on their own fears and/or resentments, they had completely ignored the fact that _she _was the one having the baby, and that she needed supportive friends. When they finally reached the hospital, it was Penny who helped her out of the car. Penny, who also had twisted her arm from her spot in the passenger front seat so she could take Amy's hand in hers. Penny, who had kept silent during the whole ride, ignoring Sheldon's jabs at her because she had _known _that Amy needed peace and quiet. Penny, who had been everything Amy had needed, while Sheldon had been everything she had desperately needed to escape.

And she loved her husband, she really, really did. Amy loved Sheldon in ways she had never loved anyone, she loved him so much that it sometimes terrified her, the hold he had on her heart. Amy loved Sheldon, but as she stepped out of the car, her best friend's arm around her shoulders, Amy decided that she didn't want Sheldon in the delivery room. And so, as the doctor asked her who was going to go forward with her, Amy spoke her first words ever since they'd left Los Robles Avenue.

"Mrs Penny Hofstadter," she said, and she was met with three open mouths and three pair of stunned eyes.

"Sweetie," Penny started, but Amy cut her there, turning to Sheldon. "Sheldon," she said. "I love you, but I am terrified, and you're not helping. You're really, really not helping." She breathed out, putting her hand against her belly, and added "I need a rock, now. Not someone who's been telling me for five months that the risks of me dying during delivery are too high."

Sheldon looked at her without blinking, and then he turned on his heels, walking away from her. Leonard shot a quick glance at Penny and ran after his best friend, while Penny turned to her, concern written all over her face. "Amy," she said. "I know you're scared, and I know Sheldon is, too, but when you think back on this, you're going to regret it if Sheldon wasn't by your side."

Amy didn't answer – she'd known that from the moment she had decided to deliver the baby without him, but hearing it so close to having her son made it too real.

"I know," she said after a moment. "I know, but... I am thinking about the now, rather than about the future, and now I need calm and quiet and strength, not the blubbering, panicky mess that Sheldon has been over the last few months."

She wanted to share that moment with him, of course, because this child was his, too. He was _theirs_, the proof that they loved each other, that they were committed to each other, that they were in this _forever_. You could always walk away from a marriage – not that Amy and Sheldon had ever wanted to, because they were _it _for each other – but you couldn't walk away from being parents to a child. Amy _wanted_ Sheldon to go in that delivery room with her, but in that moment, she _needed _him to be as far away from it as possible.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of another doctor, the one who had followed Amy's pregnancy. "Doctor Fowler" she said with a nod, and then she added "When did the labor start?"

"Well, I started having contractions about six hours ago. Is that normal? I read that the early labor lasts twelve hours before the water breaks."

"Between eight and twelve hours, yes," Doctor Lopez answered, "but for some women, it can be shorter."

Amy nodded, and the doctor added "It's too early to get you to the delivery room. If you live close, I recommend going home and taking a soothing bath. If you'd rather stay at the hospital, there isn't much to do but sit in the waiting room until your contractions are closer and your cervix more dilated."

"I think I'd rather wait here," Amy said, and Penny took her hand to lead her to the waiting room. As they sat down on a sofa, her friend turned to Amy. "So much for not wanting Sheldon here," Penny said. "Amy, the first thing you told that doctor was that you'd been reading up on childbirth. That's exactly how you are, both of you." She waited a heartbeat and added "You're probably going to make fun of me for even using that word, but you are soulmates, you and him."

Truth be told, that was also the way Amy felt. Sheldon completed her and had enriched her life like no one ever had, and like no one ever would. And Amy wanted him there, she really did, that wasn't the problem. But Sheldon was a wreck at the moment, and in that storm, Amy needed the steadiness of the Penny ship.

They had been sitting in silence for almost twenty minutes when Sheldon and Leonard reappeared. Sheldon was holding a large Starbucks bag, and Amy was startled to see he looked much calmer. There was a new look in his eyes, a determination Amy had seen on his the first time he had intimately touched and that had made Amy fall in love with him all over again, and in that moment, she felt her heart flutter.

"Amy," he said, kneeling down next to her. "I got you hot beverages."

In spite of herself, she smiled. "Thank you, Sheldon," she said, and she took one out the bag. There were several of them in there, and she went to hand one to Sheldon, but he shook his head.

"These are not for being upset," he said when she raised an eyebrow. "They're for the future mother entering the Active Labor Phase of childbirth. And I'm not upset, anyway. Not anymore." He bit on his lip, looking away, and after a few seconds, he finally said, "I'm sorry that I gave you the impression that I would not be able to put my fears aside to be there for you, Amy. But I've been reading up on childbirth, because... well, I knew that you wouldn't be able to keep the baby inside you forever, and I can do this. I swear to you that I can do it."

Amy felt water pooled in her eyes, but she kept thinking back to the longest twenty minutes and thirty six seconds of her life. "What was the car ride all about, then?" she asked, and Sheldon looked down sheepishly. "I'm sorry about that, Amy. It was my twenty minutes of freak out, because I knew that once we reached the hospital, I would have to be a rock for you."

It was Amy's turn to look away, now, and she whispered, "It was terrifying, all these things you said. About death in childbirth."

"I'm sorry," he said, and then, he added "But I read up on the stages of labor, too. I know everything there is to know about it. I swear that I can do it." And then, when Amy didn't answer, he took a deep breath, and started: "You have just entered the Active Labor Phase of childbirth. The mother's contractions will be stronger, longer and closer together. She needs to drink plenty of water, which is why you'll find that these cups contain nothing but tepid water."

"Yeah, the barista loved that," Amy heard Leonard say with a smile, but Sheldon shot him a dark stare, and Leonard mumbled "Sorry."

"The mother needs to start her breathing techniques," Sheldon went on, "and try a few relaxation exercises between contractions. She also needs to switch positions often, which means not too much seating, so up, little lady." He himself stood up from his kneeling position on the floor, and he took Amy's hand in his, pulling her to her feet. Once she was standing, he wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her small figure into a warm hug, and his hands went straight to the small of her back, landing on a spot that was sore and hurting. He rubbed soothing circles there, and Amy released a deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"In this phase, it is very important that the mother has plenty of support," he continued in a quiet voice. "And while the mother's best friend can probably do the job, I'm certain the father can do an even better job at it. Because the mother's best friend will never love the mother as much as the father does." He waited a heartbeat, and then he said "I love you, Amy. I love you so much."

Amy felt a lump in her throat, and she started crying into Sheldon's shirt, the familiar scent of the baby powder he liked to wear enveloping her like a cocoon, his words acting like a balm, his hands working the pain away.

"I love you too, Sheldon," she whimpered.

"Please, let me help you. Let me be there for you," he pleaded, and Amy nodded against his chest.

"Yes," she whispered. Amy barely heard Penny and Leonard saying that they were going home, and that Sheldon should call them when the baby was born. In that instant, the one in which she realized that her resolution to be giving birth without Sheldon by her side had simply been her own way of dealing with her own fears, nothing really mattered. Sheldon was there at her side, as he had always been, and as he would always be. Because that was where he belonged – his hands on her body, his breath in her ear, and his heart beating along with hers.

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><p><strong>AN: **Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! As always - reviews make my day!


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